Happy birthday to all riders who celebrate in March. Happy birthday to Lou DuPont, Mary Reynolds, Joe Owens and my friend, Terry Hurst. All these folks live in Solano County. Happy birthday to Allen Clements in El Sobrante, to Norm Kelly in Hubbard, Oregon, and to those two USMC MC members Teno (Rowdy) Cardoza and Rick Hunter Rush. Happy birthday to celebrity riders Vince Vaughn and Eric Estrada. A special birthday wish and hug goes to my friend, Peter Donovan, a member of the Intermountain H.O.G. chapter in Boise, Idaho… There are a few things that are impossible to do, right? You cannot un-ring a bell. You cannot squeeze toothpaste back into the tube, and you cannot hum while holding your nose closed. I would have added that you cannot unboil an egg to this list, but scientists at the University of California Irvine have discovered how to do just that. They can unboil an egg! Before this news hit the airwaves, I would have said that unboiling an egg is impossible, and I would have questioned the sanity of anyone who spent waking hours trying to do it. What does all this have to do with riding motorcycles? As Alexander Norris of San Leandro found out, there is one other thing you cannot do. You cannot taunt and outrun CHP (motor cop) Officer Deqanzada when he is riding his Harley. Officer Deqanzada was on Highway 80 just south of Davis when he spotted Alex riding westbound on some unknown motorcycle at approximately 102 mph. When Alex saw Officer Deqanzada sitting on a Harley, he looked at him and accelerated. Apparently Alex thought he could outrun a Harley. Nope! Officer Deqanzada caught him within 10 miles. Alex ignored the lights and siren and continued onward using all traffic lanes. What was he thinking? Before he reached another eight miles, a CHP unit was set up waiting for him. Alex ignored this unit as well as Officer Deqanzada and sped on. Another four miles down Interstate 80 and Alex saw three additional CHP units waiting for him. Alex decided to give it up, and he pulled over just as the CHP Air Operations Unit Airplane arrived. Take pencil to paper. We are talking about a 22-mile stretch of road. At 102 mph (Alex’s slowest speed), the chase lasted approximately four and a half minutes. How stupid is that? Alex traded his freedom for four and a half minutes of fun… Actually, there is another thing that you cannot do—probably. You cannot ride a motorcycle around the deck of a cruise ship. Jack and I recently took a Delbert McClinton cruise amid high winds and rolling seas. At one point, the wind was so strong that Jack caught my coattails just before I sailed down the deck and over the stern. But, it was worth any kind of wind and weather to get to see and hear Delbert perform. Delbert is from Lubbock, Texas, and I am one of his biggest fans. The music is called Country Blues Rock, but to me, it is the finest example of honky-tonk, and I love it. Some song titles sung by Delbert are, “She’s Livin’ It Up—(And I’m Trying to Live It Down),” “You’re The Reason Our Kids Are Ugly” and “I’m Not Old (I’ve Just Been Around A Long Time).” This music is toe-tapping fun. Also starring with Delbert was Paul Thorn. Now Paul is from Tupelo, Mississippi, but his music is every bit as rousing as Delbert’s. Some song titles by Paul are, “It’s a Great Day to Whup Somebody’s Ass,” “Joanie, the Jehovah’s Witness Stripper” and “Old Stray Dogs and Jesus.” So when we weren’t toe tapping with Delbert, we were singing and clapping with Paul. When these two artists were not performing, we dropped in to see and hear a singer/guitar player from Klein, Texas, by the name of Lyle Lovett. Chances are that you know more of Lyle’s songs than I do, but he sang “Choke My Chicken,” “She’s No Lady (She’s My Wife)” and “That’s Right (You’re Not From Texas).” As awesome as the entertainers were, the getting there sucked. When was the last time you flew from point A to point B with a change or two along the way? Geeze! It was an experience. We learned to use airline computers to check ourselves in and pay for the luggage. We managed to race through the Houston terminal to get our connection even after the departure gate was changed but not posted. We missed a prepaid party in Miami because of delays with take-offs. And I am telling you, you must go and navigate the Atlanta airport. We got off our arrival flight and had to go miles in limited time to reach the departure flight. We ran. We took a moving sidewalk to get to an escalator so that we could reach the elevator that took us to a train station that took us to more escalators to get to our gate. After a while, it got hysterically funny. So, long story short: No motorcycle for me this month (January). That’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it!